Webster's Dictionary defines a tag team as nothing for the term consists of two words. In the dictionary of Stephen, tag team is more than a simple term. One day, I was walking down the street and saw a man in great pain. He collapsed onto the pavement in a heap of loose limbs and ragged torso. A crowd of pedestrians gathered around him in disillusion. "Are you okay, sir?" asked the middle-aged lady with a large handbag. "I think he's choking," said a hooded sweatshirt teenager in baggy pants. As they stood motionless around the fallen man, I shoved my way through the crowd. With one glance at the circle of people, I crouched down and looked at the downed individual eye to glazed eye.
What did I do? I reached out my hand, received the tag, and attacked the crowd with clotheslines, suplexes, and bulldogs. He recovered fine. The end. This is the power of the hot tag. This is the art of tag team wrestling in the everyday.
World Wrestling Entertainment needs a dose of greatness injected into its entertaining yet petty, exploitive, and shameless veins. No man is a island; two men become a peninsula. The wrestling world needs tag teams like a child needs a mother's love or a new bike.
Name: It's Time To Show You, You'll See (Triple H and Stevie Richards)
Gimmick: Triple H, in full Wrestlemania 21 Barbarian Attire, becomes a full-fledged barbarian with a crown made out of the skeletons of his previous defeated competitors. Stevie Richards, in full hot pink Sunday Night Heat Attire, is a viking with a helmet made out of the many canvasses he was pinned upon during his career.
Entrance Music: Two sledgehammers making sweet sledgehammy love to each other.
Entrance: Triple H sulks in his chair as Stevie Richards appears on a docking ship playing Misirlou on a Guitar Hero II guitar that is not plugged into its console.
Finisher: Pedi-T
Triple H executes the Pedigree on the dazed opponent. The opponent lands on Stevie Richards and pins him by accidental circumstance. In furrowed brow anger, Triple H proceeds to attack Richards for all eternity. His forehead wrinkles get wrinklier.
Prediction: 101-Time WWE Tag Team Champions of Championing
Name: Twins II (The Great Khali and Hornswoggle)
Gimmick: Hornswoggle is Danny DeVito from Batman Returns, who searches for his long lost brother (Khali), who plays Arnold Schwarzenegger's role in Kindergarten Cop.
Entrance Music: Khali belly laughs with Celtic music backup.
Entrance: The Great Khali throws Hornswoggle deep to himself (from the top of entranceway all the way to the ring) a la Mr. Perfect's football pass.
Finisher: The Gigantic Dwarfinization
The Great Khali tethers Hornswoggle around his waist with a rope to fashion a human yo-yo. Khali performs several tricks (ex. Rock the Baby) which fling Hornswoggle out and about their opponent's faces and bodies for the total knockout.
Prediction: 1,256,395-Time World Tag Team Contenders of the World
Name: Fat People Are Angry Because Of The Fat Swat Team (Big Daddy V and Umaga)
Gimmick: Big Daddy V and Umaga appear on Shaquille O'Neal's preteen weight loss show that nobody watches. To their equal amount of dismay, they lose only 3 pounds between them. From this day forward, they vow to use their fat for evil rather than good to spite Kazaam.
Entrance Music: A cake being baked. Aw, that's their jam. That beat is bumpin'.
Entrance: An enormous slide is positioned from atop the entranceway to the center of the ring. In tight sequin bodysuits, Big Daddy and Umaga hold hands at the top of the slide, then whiz down together. To lubricate the slide, let's say... Crisco is used.
Finisher: Easy Bake Oven Drop '07
Big Daddy V and Umaga set a pair of Easy Bake Ovens in the center of the ring. Their opponents' try to use the ovens but soon grow frustrated by the fact that it takes 72 hours to cook a cupcake under a 25-watt lightbulb. As the adversaries are distracted, V and Umaga fly off opposite top turnbuckles and smush their opponents with the fat of their fat.
Prediction: 1-Ton Tag Ton Champions
Name: Super Santino Bros. 3 (Santino Marella and Super Crazy w/ Maria)
Gimmick: An Italian plumber and Mexican landscaper fall down a garden pipe into a new and disturbing world where animals turn into gold coins if you stomp on them; if you are hit by one, you turn into a little person too. Upon their arrival to this mystical land, they are informed by Toddstool (Todd Grisham) that beautiful Princess Maria is missing. "That ho is always in the last castle we look," the Super Santino Brothers say with disappointed expressions. Now, why are they the third installment of Super Santino Bros.? Cause they wear frog suits in 3. Why the balls else?
Entrance Music: Flee-dee-dee dee-dee-dee doo. Fleep doop-doop, flee-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-dee-doo.
Entrance: Santino and Super Crazy march in place, then fling themselves to the gorilla position backstage. Some kid from the year 1990 presses the A button and they appear from the curtains.
Finisher: "Get The Star, Jimmy! The Star!"
The princess is kidnapped.
Santino and Super Crazy bop two question mark boxes suspended in mid-air. Two smiling cartoon stars appear and begin to hop on the ground. Santino and Crazy run to the stars. When they get them, they begin their momentary spaz fury sessions on their opponents in Green Land: World 1, Stage 4.
The princess is kidnapped again.
Prediction: 7-Star Tag Team Brothers Who May Just Be Having Drug-Induced Dreams.
Name: Refridgeration-X also known as R-X (Shawn Michaels and Bobby Lashley)
Gimmick: Shawn Michaels returns from much needed knee surgery stressing to the world the importance of keeping leftovers and meats well chilled. Bobby Lashley dons the Maytag repairman uniform to join Michaels in his cause.
Entrance Music: "We refridgerate to keep things cool. We just tired of you leaving raw chicken unprotected on your kitchen island."
Entrance: Shawn Michaels lunges to one side and flexes his biceps with refridgerated cold cuts in each hand. Behind him stands Bobby Lashley who brings in a new fridgerator-freezer combo on a box trolley.
Finisher: The Frigidaire Fatality
Shawn Michaels stomps his foot in the corner of the ring while the fans count along with him. When the opponent turns around, Shawn Michaels runs up to the fridge and smacks the door in his face. Meanwhile, Bobby Lashley bounces off the ropes to the fridge. He presses the "Make Cubed Ice" button. The cubes fly from the dispenser and knock out the opponent(s) for the one, two, three.
Prediction: 10-Time North American Tag Team Food Preservation Champions
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