Monday, February 08, 2010

NXT, Please


On February 23, prepare for a new dawn of professional wrestling. For over three years, Extreme Championship Wrestling was WWE's prime jewel, featuring exciting matches, extreme characters, and Ricky Ortiz. Despite such a successful run, all good things must come to be great, which is why ECW cannot be anymore. Therefore, I am very proud to announce the debut of WWE NXT.

Just when thought WWE programming couldn't get any fresher, here comes NXT, freshening up our television screens. Forget about The Swerved's concept of a new brand called WWE PRVS because I'm tired of thinking about yesterday. Today, I'm more than ready to see what is NXT.

Obviously, the death of WWE's ECW will hit fans hard — perhaps in the privates where all good hits go — but do not fret. So far, Vince McMahon has not let me down once with his creative decisions. He didn't let me down with his version of WCW, no matter how much KroniK he threw at me. He didn't disappoint me with the XFL for I have always believed that football cheerleaders shouldn't wear clothes. With his track record for success, I would be a fool not to give WWE NXT a chance.

Tell your friends, your family, and your other personal life universes. The day that WWE NXT hits the airwaves is the day that our world will have peace. Until then, fasten a seatbelt to your chair, get in that chair, fasten the seatbelt that was fastened to that chair, and dine on some chicken NXT.


The NXT Logo

While the ECW logo was appropriately extreme, razorblades are dangerous. I know this fact, WWE knows this fact, and you should know this fact. Here's another fact: if you show razorblades on national television, children will think they are cool. Guess what, kids? Razorblades are not cool. They are the worst type of Halloween treat. If you see a razorblade, do not touch it. Do not show it to your friends. Most of all, do not try to shave with one. You are not old enough to have a beard, nor do you have knowledge of proper shaving techniques.

Due to the welcome introduction of NXT, we finally have a family-friendly logo that represents a wrestling brand in a non-threatening way. I, for one, have already fell in love with the logo. Somehow, it looks familiar to me. It's as if as though WWE took the old TNA font, stacked one letter on top of another, gave those letters a WWE logo to wear as a stylish hat, then put it on an energy drink can. If NXT was an energy drink, I would down twelve of those bad boys. Since X-Pac wouldn't promote it, I would find it pretty appealing.


The NXT General Manager

Let's face it: Tiffany was far from the best general manager on WWE television. Not only did she drive away her most talented superstars with unnecessary ultimatums, she was almost always on the losing end of trades. Months ago, I was about to propose a trade involving William Regal and Ezekiel Jackson for a hemorrhoid cushion, but she demanded a regular cushion. If Theodore Long taught Tiffany everything he knew about general managing, Tiffany should have taken a online correspondence course instead. Sadly, I think Tiffany's time as a general manger in WWE is over.

As the television debut of NXT draws near, wrestling fans should anticipate several groundbreaking, original changes. One of those changes will arise in the form of the first ever NXT General Manager. That individual will be none other than a new and improved Tiffany. Even though she still lacks a surname, she took that online correspondence course. In addition to making fair, balanced, and smart decisions in the future, the new Tiffany will be able to repair NXT's refrigerator in an instant.


The NXT Superstar Initiative

From Kelly Kelly to CM Punk, Extreme Championship Wrestling's home-grown talent were the first wrestlers to be sexy, smart, powerful, and hairy. Although the brand had its fair share of duds, ECW served its purpose as the first, solid step to WWE superstardom. Judging by the name, I assume that NXT will develop future WWE Superstars in a similar way. Like the majority of fans, I cannot wait to see the wrestlers of tomorrow today. I am pretty impatient.

As the current crop of ECW hone their craft, the NXT Superstar Initiative will breathe more life into what critics believe to be a stale brand. Reviewing this list, I cannot help but express my excitement at the possibilities. Think of the innovative feuds and intense rivalries we will see. Once NXT begins, RAW and Smackdown better take notice. Soon enough, NXT will be the number one brand in sports entertainment.

The NXT Wrestling Roster:
Caylen Croft
Christian
Ezekiel Jackson
Goldust
Gregory Helms
Rosa Mendes
Shelton Benjamn
The Hurricane
Trent Barreta
Tyler Reks
Vance Archer
Vladimir Kozlov
William Regal
Yoshi Tatsu
Matt Hardy*

*New NXT Superstars


The NXT Championship

Despite the alluring platinum sheen of Christian's ECW Championship, we must say farewell to the title. By February 23, Christian will no longer represent Extreme Championship Wrestling, but that doesn't mean he will not be a proud champion. As the first NXT Champion, Christian will have the same duties as he had prior to the brand name change. In public, he will carry himself with the dignity of a NXT Champion. In competition, he will respect his opponent while defending his championship with honour.

Although he will have numerous responsibilities, Christian will enjoy the spoils of being the new NXT Championship. Borrowing from the elements that brought popularity and prestige to the Attitude Era's WWF Championship and the WWE Undisputed Championship, the NXT Championship will be nothing but an accurate presentation of class and superiority. Ladies and gentlemen; I am happy to say that the NXT Championship belt will not be a belt at all, but Tony Atlas. Look for Christian to wear Tony Atlas around his waist on the first episode of NXT. Don't you dare miss it.


The NXT Pay-Per-View

Without question, December to Dismember will live in infamy as the first and only ECW Pay-Per-View event. While Bobby Lashley winning the ECW Championship in the Extreme Elimination Chamber was a highlight within a highlight giving birth to a highlight, every other moment and match was a definite lowlight. After that disaster, Vince McMahon swore never to give Extreme Championship Wrestling another Pay-Per-View, but ECW is no more. Because NXT is now, it's Pay-Per-View time, people.

Unlike a normal WWE Pay-Per-View, the first NXT Pay-Per-View will be three hours long, consist of six to eight matches, and showcase hilarious backstage segments. In addition, commentators Josh Mathews and Byron Saxton will paint you beautiful word pictures of the pulse-pounding and dramatic ring action that shall be synonymous with WWE NXT. D-Generation X wants to know if you're ready, giving you adequate time for readiness. On the other hand, WWE NXT doesn't care if you're ready because they have already arrived, monthly in your home for the low price of $49.95 (plus taxes and tip).


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