Monday, April 13, 2009

The Swerved Presents: Dream Match the 64th


Triple Threat Match
John Cena vs. John Triton vs. Detective Danny Fisher


Aww, you done released a derivative action film now
Vince, you shoulda remade Fried Green Tomatoes or somethin'
You could've played Jessica Tandy — but now you can't, man
Oh, you're going to play those segments promoting John's films a lot, aren't you?
I'm not prepared for a motion picture of a questionable quality
I'm not preparied for a motion picture of a questionable quality

Your boy's in another movie, and he's invadin' the screens
Make audience members all scurred when you're presentin' the scenes
Shocked Hollywood, now you're standin' knee-deep
In your shalllow pool of money you made from the fourteenth-place movie of the week
You can't help but turn away from the 'plex
I watched your 12 Rounds, now give me a twelve-dollar cheque
Give me anything else — not really lovin' this
I'd rather see Race to Witch Mountain — at least there's a movie star in it
Cause John's playin' the same role again and again
I think he saved enough kidnapped wives and girlfiends
He's all over my TV like a colourful test pattern
WWE Films or watching bars — I don't which one is sadder
Everything that you be producin' is lame
It's like watchin' Stephanie McMahon pick out dinnerware with The Game
WWE made entertainment headlines, you're eighth-page news
You're making box-office bombs with the shortest fuse


The Question:
Who wins and how?


*****

NEXT WEEK

Ten vipers viping.

AND

This love's for gentleman only, wealthiest gentleman only.

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