Passion. Power. Glamour. Grandeur. These four words describe the annual Pay-Per-View extravaganza known as WrestleMania, or a large washing machine dressed as Chiquita Banana. Whether you love WrestleMania or not, this event is the Super Bowl of wrestling. One time each year, millions of wrestling fans flock to local bars, bistros, and Chuck E. Cheeses to watch the Pay-Per-View. They may not know most of the wrestlers on the card, or know about who is feuding with whom, but they pay attention for a little less than four hours. That's a lot of hours.
This year's WrestleMania should not disappoint, what with eight, well-built, enthralling matches to round out a tremendous card. The destruction of The Legacy will be a three-tier wrestling cake of deliciousness. John Cena and Batista's match will fill up your brawling quota for the next five years. Unlike the fifth installment of Money in the Bank, the sixth Money in the Bank Ladder Match will have an extra guy. If I have counted correctly, nine guys is more than eight guys. Putting more guys into the match automatically makes the match better than last year. And let us not forget about The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels. The Undertaker could very well end Michaels' career on Sunday night, but then again, he could not if he loses.
Before we lose ourselves in the pageantry of WrestleMania XXVI, let us toast the WWE and its talent for what is sure to be a grand old time. So far, WWE has produced many great WrestleManias, some decent WrestleManias, a few bad WrestleManias. On behalf of the internet wrestling community, good luck, WWE. I am certain that you will improve your record from 13-8-4 to 14-8-4.
As of this writing, some matches at WrestleMania XXVI have not been finalized. Therefore, this preview will have a few omissions. Matches that have not yet been included on the card are CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio, a WWE Divas Lumberjill Match, and an annual, pre-show battle royal involving people fighting for nothing. Furthermore, Kid Rock has not confirmed his one-hour long appearance in which he takes us back to the nostalgic year of 1999.
Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes
At one time, The Legacy was the most dominant stable in World Wrestling Entertainment, mostly because they were the only stable in the company. Regardless, they were born better. Now that The Legacy are no more, who is truly the one born the “betterest”? Is it Ted DiBiase with his million-dollar personality, or is it Cody Rhodes with Ted DiBiase's million-dollar personality? Even though he must take on two men, could it be Randy Orton? Well, he doesn't have Ted DiBiase's million-dollar personality. I doubt it.
As their theme song used to say, it is a new day (for all three gentlemen). Finally, Randy Orton can stop teaching DiBiase and Rhodes about the fine art of looking to the right/camera left with a scowl. From this point forward, Ted DiBiase can instantly walk into any room where two people just had a conversation without being detected. And last but sort of least, Cody Rhodes will have the freedom to try out an androgynous computer technician gimmick known as Codedust.
- It is in Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes' best interest that they refrain from kidnapping Ted DiBiase's wife at an exotic, tropical locale. Although, the temptation will always be there.
- As of late, Michael Cole has called Randy Orton "The Apex Predator." If Rhodes and DiBiase wish to defeat him, they must learn the ways of a certain endoparasitoid extraterrestrial species. In other words, they must become apex aliens.
- Borrowing elements from Kofi Kingston's wrestling style, Rhodes and DiBiase will evade the punt and the RKO by missing their cues by several seconds.
- Randy Orton will psyche out his opponents by wearing pants. Cody and Ted will be taken completely off guard. Cody will try to psyche out Orton by wearing kneepads, but Randy won't look down there. Psyche out avoided.
Christian vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Jack Swagger vs. MVP vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne vs. Dolph Ziggler
When I was a little boy, I dreamed of becoming a professional wrestler. That way, I could compete at WrestleMania. I did not dream of wrestling in the main event, nor did I picture myself fighting for a world title. All that I wanted to do was climb a ladder with a bunch of other guys, land back and neck first from high places onto hard places, and look at a hanging briefcase. Although that dream never came true for me, I am glad that the current crop of WWE Superstars get to live it out for themselves. They are the lucky ones. They are the Money in the Bank Ladder Match competitors.
In the past few years, the Money in the Bank Ladder Match has become a WrestleMania staple. With that said, WWE are reaching for their staple remover. I urge you to enjoy this match while you can. This time next year, we may not get the privilege to see it again. World Wrestling Entertainment might have to find something else for their wrestlers to do instead. Perhaps they could feud with each other in a meaningful and productive way. Like all wrestling fans, I want anything but that.
- In addition to the briefcase, the winner of Money in the Bank 6 will get the opportunity to point to the WWE Extreme Rules logo hanging in the rafters of the University of Phoenix Stadium.
- Shelton Benjamin has competed in every Money in the Bank Ladder Match except one (Money in the Bank 3 at WrestleMania 23). Will WrestleMania 26 be different for Mr. Benjamin? No. He is allergic to ladders, which is why he keeps flipping and falling off of them.
- Drew McIntyre, Evan Bourne, Dolph Ziggler, and Jack Swagger will be making their WrestleMania debut. They will spend the majority of the match punching one another in the ringside area — a Money in the Bank tradition.
- Moves expected to be done off a ladder include: Evan Bourne's Shooting Star Press, Christian's Killswitch, Kane's Chokeslam, Matt Hardy's Side Effect, and MVP's career stagnation.
Batista (c) vs. John Cena
As WWE claims, Batista and John Cena's careers have mirrored each other. Not only did they debut in the same year (2002), they became champions for the first time at the same WrestleMania (WrestleMania 21). Also, I think both men had relations with a fat girl on a dare, but for some reason, WWE does not want you to know that part of their history. With their numerous similarities, you might think that Batista and John Cena would be buddies. Judging from this year's WrestleMania build-up, they are probably not buddies. I almost want to say they are enemies.
Batista's recent attacks on Cena have been fuelled by jealousy, envy, and hatred. At WrestleMania XXVI, Cena's attack on Batista will be fuelled by hustle, loyalty, and respect. As I look at these competitors' sources of energy, I must admit that they are both using questionable forms of fuel. I would use gasoline or coal, but I'm not wrestling in the match.
- The battle of the two biggest stars since the WWF Attitude Era will be rather mediocre, at least until the third biggest star since the WWF Attitude Era enters himself in the match. Once the battle becomes a three-way dance, Batista, John Cena, and Kenzo Suzuki will tear the house down.
- Batista's popped collar will hinder his aerodynamic efficiency throughout the bout. Ultimately, his decision to cut off the popped collar from his shirt and wear it for the match will be unwise.
- John Cena's WrestleMania XXVI entrance will be the highlight of the event. He will ride to the ring on a coyote made of elderly people. In comparison, Batista will only ride one elderly person, who won't look like a coyote at all.
- Batista will take time out of the match to do his famous "Thumbs Down" gesture. Wrestling fans will think that Batista is signalling for the Batista Bomb, but he will be expressing his opinion of the film When in Rome instead. He should have watched Dear John, which had drama and a heart.
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
Shawn Michaels' undying obsession to defeat The Undertaker at WrestleMania has led to an eventual, yet exciting rematch. Boys and girls; I hope that Michaels' quest to defeat The Undertaker at WrestleMania has taught you that if you want something, do whatever it takes to get it — even if it means super kicking your best friend Triple H. As for you men and women out there, I hope that Michaels' journey to defeat The Undertaker at WrestleMania has taught you in a similar way. If you want something, make the production crew create snazzy hype videos about your desire to have that something until you get it — even if it means super kicking your best friend Triple H.
At WrestleMania, "The Deadman" will face "The Showstopper." This Sunday, "The Phenom" will take on "The Icon." In Phoenix, Arizona, "The Undertaker" will be up against "The Heartbreak Kid." On March 28, “The Undertaker” will wrestle “Mr. WrestleMania.” I'm sorry, The Undertaker, but Shawn Michaels wins this round, four monikers to two. Your name doesn't count as a moniker, unless you give me your legal, undertaking name. Is it Carlos Pendergrass? How close am I?
- During the Pay-Per-View, Shawn Michaels will attempt to equal the Undertaker's WrestleMania winning streak by putting Mark Henry in a casket seventeen times.
- Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker will counter each other's Tombstone attempts all the way out of the ring, arena, and city. As they embark on their journey, onlookers will say, "I'm glad those circus performers found love."
- The competitor who spends the least time desperately covering his bald spots and receding hairline will have the advantage in this match. As for the other competitor, he will continue to keep up the appearance that he is three months younger than he actually is.
- With the Elimination Chamber in Shawn Michaels' corner, The Undertaker will have the casket that broke Shawn Michaels' back in his corner. Unbeknownst to The Undertaker, the casket recently became a born-again Christian. Also, he has prayer meetings on Sundays and needs to leave early.
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