The Four Horsemen. The New World Order. Pretty Mean Sisters. The great list continues. What do these groups have in common? They were all fantastic wrestling stables that changed the landscape of the industry forever. As a wrestling fan for a tad under five hundred years, I am not happy with WWE's decision to cut down on stables. Sure, we do have La Familia on Smackdown, but I don't even know who Zack Ryder or Kurt Hawkins are. They may as well be part of the WWE set. When I first saw them on Smackdown one Friday night via the magic of digital video recording, I thought they were shirtless janitors that stole Edge's ring gear. Look, I am human. Once in a while, I like to borrow a professional wrestler's attire and mop the floor in an efficient fashion. The other day, I dressed as Big Daddy V and cleaned the hallway of my former elementary school, but my former elementary school frowns on my decision to model my appearance after Big Daddy V. Where was I? Oh, yes. Stables. I have a few suggestions.
Stable Characteristics I Like:
1) A stable with a charismatic, veteran wrestler or manager who manages a rookie
2) A stable with a cohesive tag team that sports a unique look
3) A stable with an official uniform (a shirt with the stable's logo, or a certain colour scheme worn by all stable members)
4) A stable with a catchy theme song
5) A stable with an intrinsic need to beat down you and yours with painful results
Stable Characteristics I Don't Like:
1) A stable of similar wrestlers
2) A stable made up of only veteran wrestlers/A stable made up of only rookie wrestlers
3) A stable without a name
4) A stable without a purpose
5) A stable without hay (dude needs to feed his horses, man)
This week, I provide stable ideas to ensure the survival and success of the wrestling business for many generations to come. Unlike the last time I saved the industry, you don't have to thank me. As long as you hand over your functional hearts, I'm good to go. You don't need your hearts for anything important, do you? That's right. You never do.
(RAW)
William Regal, the 2008 King of the Ring, attained the crown in a grueling one-night tournament on RAW, defeating such tough competitors as a broken-down Finlay and his magical leprechaun son. Wrestling analysts claim that magical leprechaun children are the most dangerous opponents in one-night tournaments, but they were no match for one William Regal on that Monday night. As the king of ropes, turnbuckles, an apron, and a mat, King Regal requires much encourage and support since ruling over inanimate objects is a difficult thing to do. In other words, for a king to be successful in World Wrestling Entertainment, he definitely needs a royal hierarchy behind him.
Although King Regal will not be able to order his court to behead every single opponent, his rule will be one of great domination. King Regal will proclaim that his people will drink nothing but tea and greet and bid farewell to one another with suplexes aplenty on the neck area. Perhaps they may be parched after suplexing each other on the neck area. Therefore, they will need to drink tea right after they suplex each other on the neck area. On the other hand, drinking tea beforehand might give them adequate energy to suplex each other on the neck area. Well, what should they do first? This whole king business is complicated. This complicated king thing is why I write about sports entertainment. I could have been a king, but I didn't want to take the correspondence course.
One day, Paul Burchill was a pirate. He swung from a rope, handed out beads and riches to the audience, and used his sword to swipe at the air because the air said something about his mother. As a pirate of the Caribbean variety, Paul Burchill had it all, until Vince McMahon noticed that he existed and put an end to Burchill's seafaring ways. You see, Vince McMahon does not enjoy the company of pirates. If I didn't know any better, I would think that Vince is piratephobic. As a young child, he had to wear eye patch following a freak blinking accident. To aid his visual perception of the outside world, he was given a shoulder parrot that described the features of his surroundings which he could not decipher with one eye alone. For six months, he went through life as a pirate. Ever since, he has wanted to denounce the pirate life. Sadly, a pirate's life is not the life for Vince McMahon.
As Burchill continues his wrestling career without his pirate persona, a role in King Regal's stable should do wonders for him. As part of the United Kingdom, Paul Burchill can use the king's power to get what he desires, such as the Intercontinental Championship or first dibs on The Flintstones Phone. Since he is the heir to the throne, Paul Burchill can adopt an arrogant and condescending attitude, suitable for an individual guaranteed to be royalty. If he does not want to use the Curb Stomp, he can bring back the C-4. This time, Prince Paul Burchill does not have to execute the move by himself; he can hire his minions to execute the move for him. If he chooses to keep the Curb Stomp as his finisher, he can always call it The Bangers n' Mash... of Curbingham Palace (awesome name). I know a pirate is not as exciting as a prince, but at least Paul Burchill will have a character again. After all, he needs to catch up to the wrestler with the best wrestling persona today--Cody Rhodes. "Hello, I'm Dusty Rhodes' son." What a gimmick.
In the world of World Wrestling Entertainment, Katie Lea is Paul Burchill's sister. When she debuted on RAW, she had her hands all over her brother. I'm not from the south, where twin brothers and sisters are born in the missionary position straight out of the womb, so I found that visual disturbing. Weeks later, Katie Lea lost feelings for her brother and attempted to seduce William Regal in his office, only for that story to go nowhere. Together, Paul and Katie are fixtures on Heat, watched by a total of five people on the internet, three of which want view the program to relive the era of Velocity. Do I believe that Katie Lea is a talented performer? I could not tell you because WWE won't let her do anything. Then again, maybe Katie's non-performances on WWE programming will provide her the chance to reinvent herself as the princess of King Regal's royal family without the fans saying, "Hey, wait a minute. That girl was another girl there before. Me confused." Well, go ahead and be confused, Me. Princess Katie will be the bomb-diggity-omb.
Every week on RAW, Princess Katie will arrive to a ring on a horse and carriage. She will wave and curtsy to the fans before matches, then employ underhanded tactics to steal victories from her opponents. With Prince Paul by her side, Katie will become a worthy challenger and champion for the WWE Women's Title. If you do not buy into the Princess Katie Lea idea yet, I give you the following suggestion: staying true to the Disney movie tradition, loaded bluebirds will fly down to the ring, sing a few songs, then attack Princess Katie's adversaries when the ref is down or not looking. In conclusion, Princess Katie is not a license to print money. Princess Katie is the definition of money. Without Princess Katie, the world would still be paying for things with animal hides.
I know that DH Smith has recently been christened "The Canadian Bulldog," but he too is destined to be a lifetime wrestler on Heat. According to his name, he is a designated hitter as well, which will not help him in the industry either because WWE falls under the National League, a league in which the pitcher has to bat. If I'm not mistaken, Smith’s debut on RAW involved a run-in with twenty thousand other wrestlers. While that in itself is a fantastic debut full of flawless victory, he has not impressed me again. In his prime, Davey Boy Smith proved to me that wearing nationalistic underwear is the best thing I can do as a human being. As of this moment, I have added Danish boxer briefs to my collection of undergarments in honour of my hometown of Danishland. If DH wants to be an inspiration to us all, he must find a way to stand out like his father did. How can DH Smith get noticed? By joining The United Kingdom as the ruler of RAW, of course.
While William Regal is the King of WWE, he cannot have his eyes on RAW every single night and day. When King Regal is on top of his extracurricular kingly duties, such as creeping up to strangers and presenting them cheeseburgers on silver platters, Duke DH Smith can oversee each weekly episode and weed through each segment with a fine-tooth comb, a comb-fine tooth, or a tooth-comb fine. During Regal's matches, he will become his bodyguard of sorts, making sure the opponent is on the level and treats the king with the utmost respect. If the opponent does not bow down to Regal post-match, Smith will jump in and take the guy out with a running powerslam towards the British Isles. As a tandem, Regal and Smith will be dastardly. On the dastard scale, they will be at about a twenty-four out of eleven. Those rat dastards.
(Smackdown)
Do you watch Entourage? If you haven't watched Entourage, go ahead and do so because Entourage is one of my favourite top ten shows about Hollywood entourages involving Jeremy Piven in the supporting cast. For those of you who do not comprehend fictional television shows, Entourage is a make-believe storybook come to life about a movie star and his group of friends. As an entourage, they engage in hijinks related to partying, women, and naked partying women--the ho-hum life of a professional wrestling analyst like yours falsely. Smackdown superstar Montel Vontavious Porter is a charismatic individual with an incredibly bright future ahead of him. At first, his gimmick of a athlete who couldn't live up to the hype was questionable, due to the fact that a wrestler who attempts to suck on purpose does not equal compelling programming. Today, MVP is a legitimate upper to mid-card force. Once Porter begins to ascend to the main event ranks of Smackdown, his character will need to stay fresh. How does a superstar and gimmick stay fresh in WWE? Put the wrestler in the refrigerator to chill overnight, you say? What the frick, motherfricker? You are no comedian. You are Carlos Mencia-ing this whole situation.
One more time. How does a superstar and gimmick stay fresh in WWE? You surround him with a stable. To my surprise, MVP has yet to lead a wrestling stable. Even though an entourage is the perfect way to get MVP noticed, WWE has not given him a posse. Since WWE does not want to do it, I give you MVP’s stable entitled "The Entourage." Yes, MVP is not a movie star, but he is an athlete. Many star athletes have entourages. More often than not, they have an loudmouth agent who constantly sells his client and every other client he represents to the public. In addition, these athletes have friends that ride the star's coattails, benefitting from the spoils of their success. Out of anyone in World Wrestling Entertainment, Montel Vontavious Porter is the one wrestler who could do amazing things with a stable.
In recent weeks, Jonathan Coachman and Mike Adamle have been battling it out for the Announcer of the Whole Damn Century Award, an accolade given to the commentator who employs the most unique method of screwing up. Of course, Coachman and Cole are an extraordinary duo on Smackdown, what with their ability to speak the English language out of their mouths on all, but I believe that young Jonathan would be better served in a managerial role. Without significant effort, Coachman comes off as dorky, smarmy, and sleazy--the player agent trifecta. Give Jonathan Coachman a bluetooth headset on one ear, a Blackberry phone on one hand, and a T-Mobile Sidekick on the other hand. With all three components, you've got yourself Montel Vontavious Porter's new agent.
Deep inside of my heartiest of hearts, I think The Coach can be an entertaining manager. Look back to his interactions with The Rock and you will see a hint of charisma and poise (you will also see Coachman try to work his mind around the act of sucking on a monkey's nipple, which is a difficult task at best). Yes, MVP does not require a manager at this point in his career, but Coachman can add another dimension to his athlete character. In the midst of dealings with the Smackdown General Manager, Coachman can be the guy who only lets MVP wrestle when he deems the opportunity to be profitable and appropriate, a tactic which should arouse a whole new kind of hatred from the WWE fanbase. "MVP will not perform unless his dressing room is lit with twenty three candles, contains a shower that sprays water upwards, and has a velvet painting of Martin Luther King Jr. as a matador on the wall farthest from the door." Genius or too genius? I cannot decide.
When Elijah Burke burst onto the wrestling scene, he was the cornerman of MMA-ish fighter Sylvester Terkay. Burke's career has been going downhill ever since. I recall the time when Vince McMahon called Burke into the ring and deemed him "The Future of ECW." I seem to remember the time period when Elijah Burke was the leader of the New Breed, featuring Matt Striker, Kevin Thorn, and Marcus Cor Von. He was at WrestleMania 23, for
Burke's role in the stable will consist of being MVP's budding rival. In the setup to big PPV matches, Burke will be the upstart guy that MVP's opponents will have to beat before they can face the star player. Unlike the business relationship between Porter and Coachman, MVP will look to Burke for advice and guidance on a personal level. The instant that MVP goes on a losing streak, Burke will blow up and position himself above Porter in the stable, a circumstance that will create tension between the two. In the future, they will engage in a lengthy feud that will culminate in a big money match at WrestleMania. This match will situate Coachman in the middle of the mess as he struggles to decide which client to support. So, Burke's involvement in The Entourage will help solidify both wrestlers in the main event scene. Plus, the stable means more Coachman. Here a Coachman, there a Coachman, everywhere a Coachman. Let it be so.
At this very second, WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison are thinking about Earth Day, a day that nobody should forget. Go shorty. It's your Earth Day. We are going to party like it's your Earth Day. What is so important about Earth Day, you say? You know, you ask a lot of questions for a stupid head. To answer your ridiculous question, only famous people care about Earth Day. No matter how you perceive Montel Vontavious Porter, he is a famous person. As wannabe members of the Hollywood elite, Miz and Morrison enjoy the company of famous people. Because MVP is famous and Miz and Morrison want to be famous, a relationship between the two parties is inevitable. MVP lives the high life, a life so high that Miz and Morrison cannot reach it. Although they cannot gain MVP's notoriety, they can certainly mooch off of it. The Miz will make himself a salad out of diamonds. Meanwhile, John Morrison will spend the evening on his bidet that doubles as The Fountain of Youth.
The team of The Miz and John Morrison is so easy to hate. Whenever The Miz appears with a wicked fedora on top of his fauxhawked head, the crowd boos. Whenever John Morrison interacts with the audience, the little kids say, "John Morrison. That name sounds familiar. Are you related to Soulja Boy or something?" The tag champions are heat machines, much like a pair of functional furnaces or incredibly hot water bottles. Their eventual association with MVP will add fuel to their fiery fire. Miz and Morrison will attain the scraps that fall from MVP's table. They will get seconds on MVP's groupies. They will eat the black jellybeans that MVP does not want. Last but somewhat least, they will eat lobster daily, but only the tail. By now, if you are not into The Entourage, you are a liar and possibly a beyotch.
(RAW)
Do you like gold? You know... the bar kind? How about money? Do you like slightly disturbed to mad cheddar? Or do you like to keep it safe and be rich with food stamps? In my opinion, the best things in life aren't free. In order to get money, you need to make money. One time in Guadalajara, Mexico, I was forced by three intimidating women to strip and get this alligator to... it's not important. Anyway, Johnjohn Bradbrad Laylay is a stock market dynamo who knows his way around Wall Street. With the power of his serious mind, serious face, and serious cowboy hat, he manages to turn pennies into millions of pennies. Like Ted DiBiase before him, the former WWE champion's standing depends on his wealth and well-being. Now that JBL is on RAW, he faces threats to his being in the form of WWE's top stars. JBL cannot face the competition by himself. He is only one man against a world of many. How can John maintain his success? By gathering a group of underlings to make a stable, dedicated to the steadfast accumulation of gold and money. Fortune Enterprises love to accumulate gold and money like a fat kid loves to be shot from the shoulders down in a news story about childhood obesity.
Before you educate me on the history of WWE, let me stop you before you start. Not too long ago, JBL had a stable on Smackdown named "The Cabinet." I know that JBL's group existed and sort of ruled Smackdown for a brief time, but does that mean anything? I mean, we're talking about a stable made up of The Bashams and Orlando Jordan. Really? Orlando Jordan? In case you weren't aware, Orlando Jordan doesn't count. If you say Orlando Jordan three times fast in the mirror at midnight to give yourself a scare, your mirror will say, "Hey, what don't you go ahead and do that over? Orlando Jordan is not scary enough." I guess what I wish to relay to you readers is that Orlando Jordan was most likely a mirage, not a former WWE superstar. I have no other explanation for his Orlando Jordan's Orlando Jordan-ness.
Ken Kennedy was the winner of the Money and the Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania. A future title shot at WrestleMania XXIV and a role as Vince McMahon's son seemed to be money in the bank for him, until a certain scandal involving a certain establishment led to a certain suspension of Mr. Kennedy for purchasing steroids online from Signature Pharmacy. Since his return and move to RAW, Mr. Kennedy has been floundering. He gains some victories, takes some loses, and says his name in the middle of the ring a lot. What else has Mr. Kennedy done? A honey bunch of nothing. A lock, a stock, and two smoking barrels of nothing. Dear diary, nothing did nothing today. Like I said in the WrestleMania XXIV review, if Kim Kardashian doesn't believe in Mr. Kennedy, he has automatically lost in life. Mr. Kennedy will continue to suffer in the Monday night doldrums, unless he can accrue himself a spot in a main act. In The Swerved's WWE, Fortune Enterprises is RAW's modern version of Money Inc. Mr. Kennedy as Vice President of that stable would be his ticket back to the big time.
I am not a fan of Mr. Kennedy's in-ring performances, but I will admit that he has the potential to be one of the most colourful personalities in WWE with the right direction. JBL's right-hand man in Fortune Enterprises can be the character that Orlando Jordan wasn't. Mr. Kennedy can be the wrestler that stands out from the rest, riding in a gold town car behind JBL's limousine. He can borrow Randy Orton's old golden pyro shower entrance and use it to freshen up his own. Rather than yell his name into a microphone again and again, he can hire a solid gold robot man, like the dancing buskers on major city streets, to dance around him as he awaits his opponent to arrive. I like flash and Mr. Kennedy needs to be flashy. If WWE won't let him develop into a more compelling heel, get him off my television screen. I am not wasting high definition on a low definition character.
Poor Shelton Benjamin. At first, he was in Kurt Angle’s stable as one-half of Team Angle with Charlie Haas. Next, he moved to RAW and defeated Triple H, a victory that was tried and failed to make him a star. Somewhere during that time, he had a mother, he faced Carlito three times per show, and reformed the World's Greatest Tag Team with Charlie Haas in cornrows. For about four years, Shelton Benjamin has been on the cusp of the main event, yet always falls back to the basement that is WWE's low card extravanganza. Some fans might argue that Benjamin is still a promising commodity in modern day WWE. While I would agree with that notion, he can't spin his wheels forever. He can only shine in Money in the Bank matches and almost die for so long. Sooner or later, he needs to break free and become the superstar that they want him to be. Does he need a charisma injection? No, but he needs to be injected into Fortune Enterprises. As the treasurer, Benjamin will have JBL as his mouthpiece. Benjamin is already known as The Gold Standard in ECW. While I find the moniker neither golden or up to standard, I can deal with the nickname if JBL helps Benjamin become an interesting character. Benjamin needs to get in on that gold action like Mr. Kennedy. Give him something, WWE. Give him an excessive amount of gold jewelry to wear. Make him come out of an exploding gold vault at least. Turn his T-Bone Suplex into a T-Bone Sitout Death Valley Driver and call it "The Golden Goldy Gold Touch of Goldeninity" for all I care. Benjamin is obsessed with gold. Prove it, people. He’s a pewter man to me.
And, poorer Cody Rhodes. The problem with Cody Rhodes is that he is even blander than Shelton Benjamin. Go ahead and tell me that Softcore Cody Rhodes is successful because he is tag champions with Hardcore Holly. No matter how many times you tell me, I will not be convinced. Last week on RAW, for the first time in our lifetime, Cody Rhodes was given a mic to show some personality. I'm not saying he showed much personality, but he did show a smidgen. Now that I know he can speak more than twenty words, how about he ditches his tag partner to become part of Fortune Enterprises? Evolution gave Randy Orton a chance to develop some character. Through similar means, Fortune Enterprises will allow Cody to turn into an actual complex person with different thoughts and feelings. Rhodes and Benjamin can make up a greedy tag team of youngsters who believe that everything should be handed to them. Together, they will be led by an even greedier JBL. The premise for the union will be simple: when JBL sees Cody and Shelton, he sees dollar signs. Together, the team and the stable in general will make money. I'm talking cheddar that is so mad that it is admitted into an insane asylum. You should have seen the signs. That cheddar was freaky.
(ECW)
Crime makes the world go around. I like to riot. Don't you? Riots are the only way I obtain my home electronics. Since I like crime, I enjoy wrestling angles and characters that revolve around the criminal world too. What's the hot topic for the youths of today? Grand Theft Auto. If I'm not mistaken, the kiddies dig Grand Theft Auto so much that they are about to commit computer-generated Grand Theft Auto for a fourth time this coming week. Now and then, everybody does not mind indulging in a little bit of crime. In my case, I can't get enough of drug smuggling. If I wasn't a successful writer, I would smuggle drugs in every orifice of my body. Quite possibly, I would smuggle drugs for no better reason other than to feel the sensation of smuggled drugs shoved up and into in my various orifices. As a fan of professional wrestling, I think World Wrestling Entertainment needs a group of gritty criminals. What I have in mind is a stable that is bent on running ECW at any cost. Whether they have to buy out the competition or beat their adversaries into submission, The Cuban Cartel is a group that should give the brand some edge.
Armando Estrada serves as the boss of The Cuban Cartel. He is the kind of man who will compliment your choice of ice cream flavour to your face, then kill you for choosing his favourite ice cream flavour. You may claim that this a poor description of Estrada's uncaring behaviour, but it obvious that you have never chosen a good ice flavour for yourself. The Cuban Cartel lets Estrada control ECW from the inside out. In comparison, the General Manager gig is peanuts. For the sake of younger viewers, the stable will not peddle drugs; they will seek victories through underhanded scheming instead. You know what this means? Armando Estrada gets to talk more. He retains the Alejandro part of his name to make him ever so dubious as well. Hells to the yes.
In any stable, the leader requires protection. The Four Horsemen had an enforcer in Arn Anderson. Also, the New World Order had Vincent, the ultimate bodyguard. Because Armando Estrada will run a corrupt organization, he will need a gatekeeper to facilitate his shady wheelings and dealings. The reunion of Umaga and Estrada has been a dream of mine since they split up on RAW without notice over a year ago. As they went their separate ways, I never felt closure. On rainy nights, I like to think that Umaga and Estrada look out on the cityscape and miss each other more and more with each falling drop. "With or Without You" by U2 plays on the radio as Umaga and Estrada sigh with watery eyes and a lump in their throats. Umaga and Estrada is a definite Ross and Rachel situation. I will only accept a happy ending... for Samoa.
Umaga is not muscly in any sense of the word, but as part of The Cuban Cartel, he will be the stable's muscle. To develop his Samoan savage gimmick further, Armando Estrada will hand him a cigar after every win. At first, Umaga will stare at the cigar and attempt to consume it. As the months pass, Umaga will learn to keep it in his mouth. By the end of the year, Umaga will be a Samoan savage who loves to have a relaxing smoke. During promos by the stable, Umaga will stand in the background, blowing smoke rings with glee. He will be known as "The Samoan Bulldozering Choo-Choo Train." Feel free to give me the Nobel Prize at any time for my life’s work.
According to his entrance theme, Super Crazy is super and crazy. What a greedy son of a mother. I've heard about people being super. I've heard about people being crazy, especially you women out there with your ideas about equality and what have you. For Super Crazy to be both super and crazy is an absurd concept. I would not allow him be both super and crazy, but I am not running WWE at the moment. When I do, look for Super Crazy to be Regular Crazy. I do not tolerate super individuals. Where has Super Crazy been lately? Sometimes on Heat, Super Crazy and Jim Duggan tag up to face The Highlanders, The Highlanders, and The Highlanders. Then, when Super Crazy is wrestling in singles competition, he is not winning. In my view, Super Crazy is the Mexicooliest of them all. He deserves some time on national television. I say put him in The Cuban Cartel. Armando Estrada can introduce to him to a better lifestyle and get Crazy to become an unwilling participant in his ring of lies, a vast improvement from an equilateral triangle of lies.
In the beginning stages of the angle between Crazy and Estrada, Super Crazy will lose several matches, opting not to follow Estrada's advice. While his losing streak continues, Super Crazy will get desperate and seek Estrada's assistance. In exchange for the stable's protection, Super Crazy will have to do some work as the group's servant, driving them around and making them pancakes in the shape of a militant Mickey Mouse. He is a long way away from his days facing Tajiri and Little Guido in three-way dances. If Super Crazy wants to succeed in the wrestling business again, I hope he knows that The Cuban Cartel prefers the Steamboat Willie era Mickey Mouse. The Cuban Cartel is fairly particular when it comes to cartoon-related breakfast foods, as are most wrestling stables.
RAW's World Tag Team Titles are as valuable as two plastic yogurt lids. With that said, Carlito and Santino are infinitely better than Hardcore and Softcore. Apparently, Carlito is not from the Caribbean anymore, which makes him not cool. Despite his loss of nationality and temperature, he still has character left in him. His performance at WrestleMania XXIV was impressive for a multiple-time Intercontinental Champion who doubles as a target for bird droppings. Do I envision him as a World Champion? No, not right now. Do I see him retaining the Intercontinental Title? No, he won’t retain that belt either. A move to ECW could hurt him, but staying on RAW as the fool of all fools would hurt him more. All Carlito needs as a member of The Cuban Cartel is a white suit and a pair of loafers. The next show you see with Carlito in a white suit and a pair of loafers, you will thank me. With his afro, suit, and loafers, he will appear to be a cocaine fiend who has just been shocked by an electrostatic machine at a science fair, but that is the point of his look. White suits equal personality. Remember this fact when you are trying to pass off a wool jacket and blue jeans as formal dress.
What can I say about Santino Marella that I have not said before? Santino Marella is the most charismatic performer in today's WWE. I'm not going to call him the most charismatic wrestler because what he does is not quite wrestling, though I give him props. Maria does not know what she is missing with Santino. Playboy let young teenagers ogle her lady business, but took away her bubbly persona in the process. The current Maria Kanellis is no different than any generic WWE Diva. I believe that she deserves this fate after breaking Santino's heart. Soon enough, I am confident that Santino will get back on his feet and bag himself a fine lass. Until he does, Santino could use some friends and a white suit to pick up his spirits. Carlito and Santino will be rocking the white suits in the Cuban dance clubs, wooing pretty ladies with their ability to wear white suits. Wait, you don't think white suits are amazing? As I type this piece of brilliance, I am wearing a white suit. Don't spill grape juice around me or I will hit you very hard with another white suit loaded with white suits.
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