The Swerved Recordings: William Regal

Ever since some guy in a suit gave another dude in a better suit permission to record albums featuring professional wrestlers, one particular grappler has longed to become the next great artist. This man took it upon himself to travel overseas to a brand new country, abandon his friends and loved ones, and forget everything he has been taught in life to achieve his dreamiest of dreams. While he has won many championship titles in the past, he wishes to win the acclaim of the music-buying public as well. You see, why be the champion of Europe when you can be the club-banging champion of the dance floor? What's an Intercontinental title belt if you can't place it on a turntable and scratch that sucker up like what? To be a tag champion of the world is fine and dandy, but what about super fresh and funky beats? By now, if you'd rather become a tag champion than a provider of super fresh and funky beats, you must be nuts. Also, you are probably dumb. Your significant other is most likely boring and unattractive. Finally, your parents might have pretended to love you all of these years because of guilt. Get with the program or programs already.

A bunch of years ago, the Lord himself Vince McMahon created the earth and all living things therein. A few years after that, RAW General Manager William Regal tore that earth up with the Swerved Recordings' latest release:

William Regal - "The W"


Track Listing

1. Big Will Style (Intro)
2. Larger Willy Style
3. Largest William Style
4. Searchin' Fo' A Besmirchin'
5. General Manager, Specific Manager ft. Funkmaster Jonathan Coachman
6. Quadruple Haitch
7. Youmanga, Mymanga
8. Regal Tender
9. New Willennium ft. Funkmaster Vince McMahon
10. Look At My Fancy Robe (It's Fancy)
11. British Skirt, Union Jacket
12. Knuckle Up for Safety
13. Trumpets In Your Tea 'N Crumpets
14. Real Man's Fan
15. Blalalala (Excuse Me, I'm So Excited) ft. Funkmaster Elimination Chamber

Slick Willy Reges puts on a baseball cap in a sideways manner and dances laps around our hearts for the W. In his rapping debut, William Regal stretches the boundaries of modern music--a scene which currently consists of a group of skanky, drugged-up, teenage girls whose songs like robots singing in front of an oscillating fan. Regal gives a high knee to our preconceptions of what great dance music is or should be. One could use many wrestling references to describe Regal's debut album, but I will stop at two. This album packs a powerful punch. Perhaps the impact would be best described as getting hit in the face with a set of brass knuckles behind the referee's back. Isn't that right, sunshine? I'm stopping at two.

Has Regal succeeded in his quest to get the W? Several wrestling personalities and insiders chime in to give their perfectly honest opinions which are in no way meant to sway consumers to purchase the album:

"This is a good album. Then again, William Regal is a foreigner. As an American, I'm not supposed to like foreigners because they are foreign. This is a bad album. Go America." - Casual Wrestling Fan #12557634

"Paper currency, paper currency, affirmative, affirmative. Paper currency, paper currency, affirmative, affirmative." - Cyborg Shad and Cyborg JTG

"It's time to play it again." - Triple H

"Extraordinary, exquisite, and scrumtulescent. An aural triumph." - Umaga

"The Will2K Crisis is here." - Will Smith

"First it's Jillian Hall. Now it's William Regal. Is somebody playing some sort of cruel prank on me featuring Jon Secada?" - Lilian Garcia

"Elton John is a queen. George Michael is a queen. William Regal is the Queen of Queens. Please laugh at gay jokes and give us money." - World Wrestling Entertainment

If you don't get this album, William Regal will sport a humorous facial expression. If you do get this album, William Regal will sport a humourous facial expression, then appear as if he just ate ten lemons. This situation is win-win. Hence the W.

William Regal - "The W"
Produced by the Swerved Recordings
In stores when they let them in there.