The Swerved Presents: Dream Match the 80th

Survivor Series Elimination Match
Team Mickie vs. Team The View

You're not enough for The View (Oh, your sassiness is lacking)
Just another woman who watches The View (Oprah isn't on until later, ooh)
Gotta find something else to do (How about spending quality time with your loved ones?)
You're not enough for The View (Oh, you don't talk enough about things you don't know enough about)

See, at first, you had a problem with Star Jones
Whose girth invaded your living room when you were home alone
But then you had a beef with Joy Behar
Because you liked forbidden sandwiches, pulling pork apart
You turn off, turn on the television again
Beyotch please, let me assure our discussions will never end
Just sit back and relax on your couch in your Hello Kitty pajamas
As Elisabeth Hasselbeck's soothing voice takes your mind to the Bahamas
We've never lost touch with your current events
Meredith is given out millions, we're giving you our two cents
'Cause we're women, ha ha, living in middle age
You just ain't ready for this menopausal rage
You're not ready, no you're not ready
You're not ready for this menopausal rage

You're not enough for The View (Oh, the amount of sassiness you possess is minimal)
Just another woman who watches The View (Regis and Kelly was a rerun, ooh)
Gotta find something else to do (How about attending one of those strip aerobics classes? Those are cool)
You're not enough for The View (Oh, we got Whoopi and you don't)

The Question:
Who wins and how?

*****

NEXT WEEK

Somewhere out there, Kofi Kingston is supposed to run in during a wedding, but is waiting for his theme music to play. At the same time, the bride and groom are staring at the camera with a confused look on their faces. Also, Roddy Piper is on the ground for some reason.

AND

I have no interest in art. Let me clarify: I have no interest in non-nude images.