The Swerved Recordings: Vince McMahon

Like a 60-some-odd-year-old phoenix rising from the ashes of his exploded white limousine, Vince McMahon has returned to World Wrestling Entertainment with the vengeance of a thousand vengeful warriors. In light of recent steroid controversy and speculation surrounding the publicly owned company, and professional wrestling in general, Vince is fighting back with snide replies and underhanded responses. As the attacks become more frequent, and the criticisms are expressed to growing national and international audiences, Vince shows his brave face. His recently grown hair is his steel armour. His bulky suit is his impenetrable shield of justice. His swagger shakes off the crowd of violent townspeople set on burning his magical being to the stake. In a day and age in which it would be easy for Vince McMahon and his WWE to run for cover, they are running alright. They are running towards the enemy.

Along with his cast of oiled up, outlandish, and muscly performers, Vince is ready to dish out the hurt just as well as he has taken it. People like Finlay embody the tireless spirit of the chairman for he too does not back down from a fight. Take that, Marc Mero, and your tight-skinned facial features. Finlay will slay you with comebacks containing roundabout truths and buzz phrases. John Cena is but another loyal henchmen for the cause. Larry King has been humbled by Cena's talent for answering what is really on the mind of the wrestling fan: "How good is a good wrestler?" Good?" Vince McMahon will not back down from a challenge, whether it originates in the media or in the public. He will yell at the challenge, feud with the challenge for many months until everyone yawns with boredom, then feud with the challenge for another year, then have the challenge kiss his posterior, and then bring in Shane to feud with the challenge. In the game of Win, Lose, or Draw, Vince McMahon wins every time while he draws the loser being all loser-y with a loser face on a sketch pad made of losers.

How will he take victory to the next level, you ask? How will Vince vent his frustrations? Through song, of course. This late summer, get ready for...


The Swerved Recordings
Vince McMahon's
Ventilation

Track Listing

1. This is Vince McMahon's Jam, Damnit (Interlude)
2. Your Mother is a 2.5 Rating
3. Limo Go Boom, I Go Zoom
4. The Media is One Big Carnivorous Cyclops Monster from the Depths of the Underworld
5. Illegitimate Children Legitimately Make Me Angry
6. How Dare You Ask Me Questions Begging Much Needed Answers
7. Congress is a Bunch of Smiling Paul Londons
8. Steph by Steph
9. Blame it on the Shane
10. Backed into the Corner w/ R. Kelly (Parts I-L)
11. I Like My Muscles How I Like My Wrestlers (Big and Veiny)
12. Hunterback ft. Triple H
13. Squared Circle of Life
14. Barney Fife is an Outdated Pop Culture Reference (But I Will Use It Anyway Because It Has Comedic Relevance to Me, and Therefore, The Whole World) [Judge Ito on a Rotary Phone Remix]
15. You're Friared
16. Vince McMahon's Out, Damnit (Exitlude)

The Swerved Recordings is proud to present Vince McMahon's debut LP entitled Ventilation. Vince McMahon dons the uniform of an air conditioner repair man to rid to world of hot seats. He has not created a spoken word album, but a soulful album that speaks to you in a metaphoric manner so he does not have to. Never again will he have to answer to the curious peoples. The temperature is getting pretty toasty. Vince will be installing four units of honesty with eight settings of facts (Factual Facts, True Facts, Factual True Facts, True Factual Facts, Factual Facts of Truth, True Factual Facts of Truth, True Factual Facts of Truth Facts, and Breezy). In this interrogation room we call Earth, things are about to get a lot more comfortable.

The summer air is heavy. This room is filling up with warm lies. Turn on the air conditioning so we may feel the relief of Vince McMahon's cold truths.

What is the word on the street about Ventilation? Real nice-sounding words... like "acquiescene" or "meat". Here are a few reactions to this cool album:

"Computing aural data into mainframe. Conclusion--Mister Mackman has done it again. Fear him or he will destroy you. End of verbal transmission." - The Gerald Brisco Robot Without Personal Opinion or Dignity

"If you listen very closely, you can hear his grapefruits tapping lightly against the studio microphone. Nice touch." - Grapefruit Sounds Appreciation Society

"If they are the size of grapefruits, he should not be bragging about them. He should see me immediately. That is not normal." - Vince McMahon's Doctor

"Thank you Jesus, thank you Vince, thank you ITunes Gift Card." - The Iron Sheik

"I am just here to get embarrassed by Vince once again. There you go. Ten seagulls just crapped on my face. If you need me in a dress anytime soon, I'll be in the waiting room." - Eric Bischoff

"If each of my ears had a face, they would be smiling right now. Sports entertainment music at its finest." - WWE Fan #1054895 Being Interviewed for Television

"Oooooh." - The Ghost of Vince McMahon, Sr.

"This is actually bad, but I'm going to say it's good because it's all we have." - The Wrestling Industry Post-April 2001

Any other reactions? If Tony the Tiger was alive today, he would tighten his neckerchief and say, "Brrrr....great!" in reaction to the album. You see, Vince McMahon has also installed an air conditioner in Tony the Tiger's posthumous Frosted Flake Condominium. It's very hot outside, but cold inside. This is how air conditioning works, friend. Don't question it. Just buy it.

The Swerved Recordings
Vince McMahon
Ventiliation
Dropping Very Soon. Like, Right Now or Something.

This WWEek in Vince McMahon Commentary of the WWEek:

Q: Did you know that Vince McMahon, fake deather and WWE Chairman, is having a party and will cry if he wants to?

A: I hope you choke on your apple. Real bad.