Vince McMahon is Extreme

Vince McMahon and his Incredible Do-rag of Wonder © captured the ECW World Title at Backlash. The WWE Chairman, who was recently embarrassed by Donald Trump and Bobby Lashley at Wrestlemania 23, showed the world that wearing different cranial accessories can lead one to professional and personal redemption and success. Surely, Donald Trump could be heard weeping uncontrollably from his ivory tower, adorned with gold and Domino's Pizza, after his viewing of the Vince McMahon victory.

Now, the elder McMahon, a former WWF World Champion, must venture in the uncharted world of extreme. While he may talk the talk, and possibly walk the walk, he has never talked and walked under extreme rules. What will he do when he doesn't have the Samoa Bulldozer by his side to help him win and scream gibberish? Who will he turn to when his out-of-shape son Shane is not there to overpower stronger and more athletic opponents in an absurd and unbelievable way? Vince must adopt an arsenal that matches up to the skills of the Van Dams and the Sabus of the world if he wants to dominate Tuesday nights.

So, how can Vince McMahon keep his precious ECW World Championship? These are some suggestions.

Suggestion Un: Build a bomb shelter underground. Upon it's completion, Vince should strike his opponent(s) with the bomb shelter.

Suggestion Deux: The night before Bobby Lashley challenges for the ECW World Title, Vince should sneak into Bobby's hotel room with some supplies. Once he gains entrance into the room, he'll place a lump of shaving cream in Bobby's right hand, then dip Bobby's other hand in a bowl of warm water. When Vince finds a feather, he should tickle Bobby in the face with it. Next, just as Bobby is about to wake up from slumber, Vince should throw him out the window.

Suggestion Threeve: Replace all metal chairs under the ECW ring with inflatable chairs.

Suggestion Cuatro: Vince will undress and adorn all strands of body hair with Elijah Burke's beads. In his next title match, Vince should shed his clothes and spin around his opponent really fast. The impact of the beads against the opponent's head and torso should incapacitate the challenger for the pinfall.

Suggestion Fifthly: Vince should gather the ECW locker room around him, then offer them food. As the extreme wrestlers and personalities devour delicious cakes, cookies, and pies, Vince should take his ECW title and jump in a deep pool. Because their stomachs will be full, the ECW wrestlers will have to wait at least one hour until they can join him. This will allow Vince to bide some time to escape.

Suggestion Sicksth: Fall from a high place into some cushions. It works for Shane.

Suggestion Number Sleven: Lose muscle, gain fat. Wear a grimy hat and carry around a large cell phone. If Vince can grow a ponytail on his head or a backstage pass around his neck, he'll will gain the trust of every ECW alumni and mid-90's fan in the entire world.

Suggestion Ate: Begin to wear American flag pants, then gradually switch to Connecticut flag pants. ECW doesn't even know what a Connecticut is or does.

Suggestion Nein: Knit a wool sweater and bring it to the next title match. As Vince and his adversary are about to lock up, Vince should make his opponent wear the sweater. If the plan is executed correctly, the sweater will be very itchy and the opponent will want to scratch himself a lot. This process should secure Vince the win. Have you ever tried to wrestle a guy who was really itchy? Well, it's a blast as well as a guaranteed victory.

Suggestion Amount Before Eleven: Purchase a large quantity of TNT from the ACME store. Place the TNT in an abandoned cave, then attach it to a line that leads to a detonator. Next, Vince should dress up in drag and lure his opponent to the cave with flirtacious advances. When the title challenger takes the bait, Vince will try to explode the cave but fail. At this point, he should be looking at the camera, charred in black. He'll be carrying a sign that says "Ouch", then he'll throw it away to run after his opponent. Vince will ignite his rocket roller skates, then unsuccessfully follow his opponent off of a cliff. He'll be running in the air and he'll keep on running. Now, Vince will be so surprised, his eyes will bulge out several feet from his face. Standing in place, he'll quickly fall down to the ground below. A Vince-shaped hole will be seen on the desert ground. He will not win, but will keep his title on a DQ... if his opponent is the Roadrunner.

Suggestion XI: Wear a second do-rag.

Suggestion OneTwo: In a drastic move, Vince could have his shoulders surgically removed. Therefore, he can never be pinned. You can't get any more reasonable.

Suggestion the 13th: Challenge any wrestler on the RAW, Smackdown, and ECW roster to a Last Man Standing Title Match inside a tall locker. The bout will likely be called a draw.

Suggestion For Teenth: Vince could very well take the extreme route and go New Jack on ECW. He'll attain a cart of weapons to bring down to the ring. While his theme is playing, Vince will take out a fork, then shoot his opponent with a gun.

Suggestion Fifteenty: Vince will lure his opponent into the ring for a chance at the ECW World Championship. He'll challenge him to taste the difference between Coca-Cola Zero and the rival name brands. The opponent will be unable to notice a discrepancy. Vince will be victorious.

Suggestion Super Sweet Sixteen: Vince will flex at his adversary. Blinded by the gleam emanating from Vince's enormous muscles, the opponent will contract tuberculosis.

Suggestion Number Sleventeen: Vince will utilize his millions and millions of dollars to hire a team a scientists. They will develop a finishing move that will never result in a kick-out. The team will rack their brains and spend sleepless nights watching tapes from all decades of wrestling to come up with a maneuver to strengthen Vince McMahon's moveset. Upon completion of the project, Vince will announce to the WWE audience that he will unveil his new finisher in his next title defense. In the match involving former title holder Bobby Lashley, Bobby will try to execute the spear on a tired chairman; Vince will counter by slicing Bobby's legs off from the rest of his body. The project should be a success.

Suggestion Legal Adult: Vince will stack five tables on top of one another. He'll douse the tables with lighter fluid, then light a match to set them ablaze. Vince will signal for the powerbomb,though will run away instead. Afraid of being fired if he does not comply, the opponent will voluntarily powerbomb himself through the tables and pin himself to give Vince the win. Hey, a wrestler got kids to feed. Shoot.

Suggestion Neintene: Vince will challenge his opponent to eat more than one Lay's potato chip. Lay's BBQ flavour violates the Wellness Policy. There you go.

Suggestion Twentay: Vince will melt his ECW World Title down into the WWE Cruiserweight Title. By doing so, he'll never defend it.